


Philip, Interrupted

by gerank



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:45:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerank/pseuds/gerank
Summary: After the party at Rose's, Lukas wakes up to a disheveled, crying Philip.





	1. An angels call

He feels something touching him, _someone_ shaking him awake.

“Wha?” Lukas mumbles, so confused. He still feels lightheaded from all the liquor that was passed around at Rose’s party. He blinks his eyes open, and pushes himself up on his elbow. His room is nearly pitch black, so dark he can only make out the outlines of things. He flicks on his end table’s lamp and he immediately sees Philip.

Nothing really registers besides Philip’s face, which Lukas can barely see with his eyes still blurry. He flops his face back into the pillow, muttering sleepily “whatcha doing here? M tired”

Philip’s voice oddly sounds terrified. He whispers an urgent “Lukas.”

That wakes Lukas up completely. He flicks his eyes back up to Philip’s face. And holy fuck. Lukas feels a chill tremor up his spine. Philip’s face has smudges of dirt across his nose and chin. His hair is all mucked up, messy with leaves tangled in it.

“Jesus what happened to you?” Lukas asks, alert. He sits up hurriedly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He pulls Philip towards him, who is shaking.

Philip sobs loudly and clings to his shirt, nails digging painfully through the cloth. “Help me Lukas, please.”

Lukas grabs Philip’s face in his hands, locking eyes with Philip’s scared ones. “Philip tell me what happened.” Lukas’s voice cracks. He’s petrified to hear Philip’s response.

Philip shivers in his grasp, teeth clattering as he stutters “Some guys-“

Lukas’s heart drops, _fuck no_. “What did they do? Tell me Philip!” His voice rises slightly, only because he can feel his heart breaking. Some guys hurt Philip. Some guys hurt Philip. His head repeats like a continuous error sign, he feels like he’s melting down.

Philip chokes through a cry “they hurt me.”

Lukas grits his teeth. His eyes are burning on the verge of tears as he insists “Where?” Besides the tiny scrapes on Philip’s cheek there are no visible signs of bruises. Lukas tentatively pats Philip’s chest, then his arms.

Philip shakes his head and his tears leak more profusely. Lukas feels his own start to slide down his cheeks, hot and steady.

“You have to tell me what happened” Lukas presses, eyes wide.

Philip’s lip is trembling as he points downwards, towards his lower region. Lukas looks to what Philip is gesturing to, and _fuck_. He now notices that Philip came here in only a hoodie and his underwear. He feels his heart drop inside his chest. White noise in filtering through his ears.

“They.. raped-“ Philip’s voice breaks, and buries a sob into Lukas’s sleeve.

_No No No._

Lukas cries, loudly. His sobs sound horrified even to his own ears. Hollow and not ready to accept what he just heard. It’s couldn’t be true. It’s can’t be. _No_.

“No” Lukas says, refusing to accept the reality of the words, shaking his head quickly.

“I’m bleeding” Philip gasps against his chest. Lukas’s blood runs cold.

“What?” He questions shockedly.

Philip nods against his chest rapidly. He rambles while crying erratically “they stole my jeans- they stole-” His words cut off with a loud sob, high and broken. Lukas rubs his back with shaking hands in an attempt at soothing him. When his fingertip grazes Philip’s lower back he hisses.

“Sorry” Lukas whispers shakily, tears streaking his face. He wraps his arms around Philip’s trembling shoulders.

Philip pulls back to stare at him. His eyes are red from crying and full of hurt. “They cut me Lukas” he whispers with a pained expression.

“What?” Lukas interjects, throat dryer than a desert. “Where?” he asks, but he’s completely terrified to know.

Philip winces as he turns around, pulling up the hem of his shirt and exposing a nasty cut. It was a word. Lukas feels bile start up in his belly, coming up his throat. He gags and runs to his bathroom. He vomits his guts out the second his knees hit the tiles. Splashing nastily into the porcelain, he wipes his mouth with a groan. And leans his forearm against the coolness of the toilet lid. He sighs, and gets off the ground. He pulls the metal lever, flushing the gross bile down the toilet drain, and returns to Philip.

Philip is now curled up in his bed, still crying loudly. Lukas hesitantly sits down beside him. Philip doesn’t react to the bed dipping at all.

“Philip…” Lukas starts, “I have to call 911.”

Philip sobs louder, “don’t do that.”

Lukas has to. He will. “I’ve got to, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” His body is tremoring with ache, Lukas feels inconsolable. Nothing can change this. Philip was fucking raped.

He attempts to soothe Philip by stroking his hair, and whispers “It’s okay, It’s okay, I’ll be right back okay?” Lukas is trying to reassure them both with the words, but he’s not too sure he even believes them.

He temporarily exits into the hall, dialing 911 with jittery fingers. It rings twice before someone picks up.

“911 what is your emergency?” A female voice answers quickly.

Lukas runs his fingers through his hair frustratedly, “I uh- my boyfriend was- my boyfriend was just raped.”

He hears faint clicking on the other side, “are you in any danger?” she asks.

“No, can you please send an ambulance?” Lukas replies, thumping his head against the wall.

“They will be at your location shortly” the police dispatcher tells him. He closes his eyes and cuts the line. Lukas cracks his bedroom door, tip toeing back inside and crawling into bed carefully. He curls around Philip, with his body inches apart from his back and legs. Careful not to touch anywhere it might hurt him. Philip’s sniffling now, staying still as a stone. He jerks when Lukas touches his shoulder, and Lukas winces in response. His mind’s racing with thoughts. Why? Who? He is overflowing emotion and all he can hear is Philip’s breathes, his own fast paced heartbeat, and ringing in his ears.

They lay there in silence for what seems like hours, but are actually short minutes. Philip starts shivering when a rapid knocking is heard, and red white and blue lighting is flashing through the curtains. Lukas grazes his palm across the goosebumps on Philip’s cool shoulders.

“It’s going to be okay, trust me baby” Lukas murmurs, getting up.

He creeps down the stairs, hoping his dad doesn’t wake up and get involved. When he opens the door three policemen are already on his stoop, and an ambulance crew running up his drive way with a stretcher. Everything pretty much after that was a blur. Philip doesn’t say much to the medics, just tells them where he hurts. Lukas can’t help but flinch when he sees the disgusting word carved into Philip’s skin again.

It says _faggot_ , in spaced red lettering. It isn’t deep but still raw and nasty looking. Lukas kind of wants to puke again.

How could someone do this? And how could they do it to a person like Philip? He cannot process it.


	2. Wilted

Philip feels different. In the way like he’s been cloned, and is not really himself. The doctors and nurses give him sympathetic looks, but it just makes him feel even smaller. He feels fingers crawling on him, violation. He just wants to tickling sensations to stop. They remind him all too well of the hands that were on him the night before. But worst of all, he’s sore, his body’s cruel reminder of last night’s events. The nurses had done a rape kit on him when he first arrived and had said he needed stitches. He got four of them. They said his back didn’t need them, as the word was as deep as scratches. It still stung every time his back had any pressure on it.

A detective from Helen’s office visited him in the morning, asked a lot of difficult questions. Asked Philip who the guys were, how many of them were there. How it happened. Philip hadn’t been much of a help. He hadn’t been sober at all when they did that to him. He doesn’t remember names or anything, all he knows is that they had attended Rose’s party.

_It was dark out. Pitch black night with Philip’s blurred vision. He was nearly blacking out with every step from the whiskey he chugged earlier. He felt horrible, nauseous and heartbroken. Philip had just wanted Lukas to talk to him, hold him. Instead he got shoved into Rose’s porch column, and party cups thrown at his head. He doesn’t even remember how he got here. Or why he’d thought visiting Lukas in the midst of a party would be a good idea, either._

_He kicks at some tiny pebbles at the edge of Roses’s driveway, scuffing his converses to hell. Who cares? He doesn’t, his heart hurts and he just wants to be home. Actual home, Anne’s home. He wants to clear his drunken mind, get lost in the endless streets of the only place he ever known, the city._

_He wipes away a tear leaking down his cheek, shaking his head. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, pushed by the boy who just touched him days before with gentle hands. Philip really thought maybe tonight Lukas would think things through. Not act like Philip is the most disgusting being on earth in front of all the kids from their school._

_He felt humiliated, disrespected one too many times._

_Philip notices sudden sounds of footsteps, he glances a look over his shoulder. Towards the three boys following just steps behind him._

_Quickening his pace, one of them catches up, grabbing his arm._

_Philip stills, “what do you want?” he asks, voice slurred with clear telling of his sobriety level._

_“We just wanna talk, y’know, we’re trying to take the party elsewhere” the guy says, breathe strong of cigarettes and liquor. He’s slightly taller than Philip, with dark eyes and black hair._

_“Mm really?” Philip whispers, words dragging out and his eyes lighting up. More liquor sounds like a blessing. Hopefully the sharp taste will wash out all his feelings till he’s numb._

_Two of the taller boys step beside him, one of them taking him by the wrist._

_“Yeah come on, I got vodka in my bag, and J’s got tequila, you like that kinda stuff?”_

_Philip shrugs, but continues to follow. All alcohols nasty, he’s certain no one drinks it for taste._

_He looks around, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. They’re walking down a gravel road, and he’s too intoxicated to really register where he’s at. But it’s just forest, with dark trees in the pitch black of the night._

_“Where are we going?” Philip decides to ask, nerves starting up._

_J, Philip assumes, places his hand heavily on the back of Philip’s neck. Making a shiver run up Philip’s spine from the coolness of his fingers._

_“Don’chu worry, we gotta tent just over the hill.”_

_Philip smiles fakely. That doesn’t reassure him any, he feels odd, like somethings wrong. His visions still swimming and the trees sort of look like they’re moving, even though they aren’t. The wind’s stiller than a stone._

_Almost too quiet, eerily silent. Even surrounded by a couple of people he still feels alone, like he’s tiptoeing into a predator’s territory._

_Maybe he is, his brain whispers, and his heart thumps._

_The guy with the black hair grasps his elbow, leading him up a slope through the trees “it’s just this way.”_

_They all follow his pace, keeping close. A crimson colored tent appears just a few feet away, relieving Philip a ton. They hadn’t been lying to him._

_He grins, excited to drink and forget about the shitty night he had. He eagerly climbs inside when J unzips it, and criss crosses his legs as he sits down._

_The other guys slide inside it, luckily enough it’s decently sized. The dude with black hair flicks on a light, a battery operated lantern._

_Philip nervously looks between them, feeling shy in a space full of strangers. “So… what’s your names?”_

_They look amusedly between each other, like Philip said something funny. One of the tall guys takes a swig of the vodka, and clinks the cap closed. He points to himself “I’m Robbie,” he flicks his finger towards the guy with black hair second, “and that’s Mike, and Jimmy.”_

_Philip nods, sucking on his lip._

_Mike, the guy with jet black hair and stone grey eyes, sidles up beside him, pressing his torso into Philip’s side._

_Philip gulps, switching his gaze to Jimmy. Who’s busy rolling a blunt. He watches him card the bud into the paper, before using his tongue and lips to seal it inside the wrap._

_“So that chick’s party totally sucked” Robbie chimes, rustling around in his liquor bag._

_Jimmy nods in agreement, continuing to seal the L._

_Mike whistles, grinning as he quips, "Mhm, not surprising though, isn’t that Rose chick just a freshman?”_

_Shrugging carelessly, Robbie replies “fuck if I know.”_

_Mike turns back towards him, exhaling hot breath into his ear, sending goosebumps raising across Philip’s skin. “You got our names, what’s yours?” he asks, eyes twinkling in a way that Philip can read as flirting._

_“Philip” He replies. He kind of wants to twist out of the contact, but he doesn’t want to make things weird._

_He wants Lukas, even if Lukas doesn’t know what he wants. And letting some random dude cuddle his side feels like cheating, even if he and Lukas are together, official, whatever._

_Not like there’d be a chance they ever would, his brain supplies. A reminder that sounds like a fact._

_Whatever, he’s going to have a good time. He doesn’t need permission to not worry about Lukas fucking Waldenbeck all damn night._

_“Okay Philip,” Mike says, uncapping the tequila, “have some of this, it’ll make you feel good.”_

_Philip eyes the bottle, smiling as he takes it eagerly, sipping fast._

_Mike grins as Philip downs a mouthful, “drink up” he encourages._

_Jimmy flicks his blue lighter, it’s pretty. Philip stares drunkenly at the big white lettering, Metallica, it says. The hot orange fire turns the tip of the blunt cherry red._

_“Who wants first hit?” Jimmy asks, outstretching his hand in an offering way._

_Mike takes it from his fingers, and hands it to Philip, “here, this’ll loosen you up.”_

_Philip takes it between his index and middle finger, sucking the smoke into his throat. It burns his chest and throat in a familiar way. He was a teen from New York City. Of course he has smoked before._

_He takes his second hit, and passes it off to Mike. Pinching it, Mike takes it, inhaling hard. He releases the smoke from his mouth, blowing it into Philip’s face._

_Philip feels a ton of things right now. Hazy, foggy, like the speed of life is slowed, everything a dragged out motion. Mike’s eyes aren’t as vividly dark anymore because Philip’s staring at the light reflecting in his pupils instead._

_“Wow” he comments, voice sounding far away even to his own ears._

_“He’s fried outta his head” Jimmy snickers, puffing the L._

_Philip eyes feel heavy. He lolls his head back, resting it on Mike’s firm shoulder. He feels too dizzy to mind Mike’s searching hand, which is sliding up under his shirt, feeling the curve of his waist, and coming to rest on his hip._

_Philip squirms involuntarily at the contact, stilling when Mike cups his jaw. “Relax” Mike whispers, but it sounds more like a scold._

_Mike takes the blunt from Jimmy, returning it back to Philip. “Y’know I think this buds northern lights, it’ll send you to the moon” Mike smirks._

_The words are like a dull, distant sound to Philip. Right now he’s drunk and high and he feels like he’s on a cloud, body floating through a vast of nothing. All calm and sated._

_Robbie decides to finish off the vodka, gulping three mouthfuls before slamming the empty bottle down smugly._

_Mike sucks on the blunt. The smoke escaping his mouth reminds Philip of a fireplace._

_“He’s cute” Jimmy comments, looking at him like he’s studying him or something._

_Even high Philip can feel himself blushing. He looks down at his knees instead of their invasive gazes._

_Mike touches his face, “Yeah, he’s real cute.”_

_Philip smiles, leaning his head against Mike’s arm again, “really?” he mumbles, feeling warm._

_Robbie eyes their interaction interestedly. Resting his chin in his hand, his eyes flick over him in way that seems predatory._

_“Whada you think Rob? Think this face is pretty?” Mike says, tipping Philip’s chin up so his face is more visible to Robbie._

_Robbie licks his lips, “I think he’s more than pretty.”_

_Philip’s tummy flutters from the compliments, not used to it at all. Mike was wrong about one thing though, the high made him feel over the moon. Past it, like he’s on fucking pluto._

_His vision’s swimming and the lantern is flickering prettily._

_He can feel Mike nodding from the movement of his body, and Philip presses closer for the warmth._

_“You tired?” Jimmy assumes, playing with a hole in Philip’s jeans._

_Philip shakes his head, mumbling quietly into Mike’s sleeve “mmm just high…  and drunk...”_

_He closes his eyes briefly, enjoying the waves of intoxication fogging his mind. He vaguely hears some fumbling from a bag, and blinks his eyes open._

_“Whatcha doin?” Philip asks Jimmy, who’s busily searching the bag._

_Mike grabs Philip’s sides when he attempts to see inside the bag, wetly smearing his lips across Philip’s jawline. “You don’t need to know” Mike chuckles, but it’s too dark to be humorous. Nerves flood him at the action. What’s going on? He thinks blankly._

_Jimmy hums when he finds what he was looking for, and plucks the items from the bag._

_Philip’s heart skips a beat. But if he didn’t hear the fast paced thumping he would’ve thought it stopped completely._

_A clothe that appears to be a gag, and a tiny bottle of lube._

_His mind yells run, and he goes. Tripping over Jimmy’s knobby knees and shoving Mike in the face with his elbow when he attempts to pull him back._

_“No!” he screams with his voice on the edge of hysterics. He cannot believe this. Shit like this happened in movies, or belonged in the crime columns of newspapers. Not to him, right here, right now._

_He runs faster than he ever needed to before, feet thudding hard on the forest floor. He makes it about twenty feet before someone’s tackling him to the ground. Philip erratically tries to get out from under him, screaming a repeated “No!” till his voice breaks weakly. Mike wrestles him aggressively, twisting Philip’s arm painfully and forcing him still on the dirt._

_“We were going to be nice to you bitch-“ Mike growls, roughly pushing up the hem of Philip’s hoodie. And forcing down Philip’s jeans till they’re tangled around his ankles. Jimmy and Robbie aid him in undressing him, pulling his briefs down along the way._

_“Please” Philip begs, breaking on the edge of hopeless._

_Robbie holds his arms down, pressing them into the soil above his head. Jimmy applies weight on his ankles, so he can’t kick or move at all. Philip can hear the clink of a belt unbuckling over his loud breathing. He squirms uselessly, straining his head to the side. He’s shivering before he even realizes it._

_“Stay fuckin’ still” Robbie orders, stretching his arms higher above him._

_He feels the jostling of Mike pushing his thighs apart, roughly kneading his ass with big, scratchy hands. Mike noses at the back of Philip’s neck. He presses Philip’s head down sideways onto the ground. A sob breaks out of him at the action, this is it. He’s about to get fucking raped in the middle of nowhere._

_“You ever been fucked before?” Mike asks, touching him where his nasty hands shouldn’t be allowed to be._

_Philip cries, hard, shaking his head rapidly._

_He hears Mike spit, feels it.  He cringes at the slick slide of his spit dripping messily between his legs._

_“No no no no” Philip chants, like a heartbreaking symphony._

_When Mikes pushes in, Philip’s first thought is Lukas. Philip had been overly naïve, thinking that he’d have the luxury of losing his virginity to Lukas, in a nice warm bed. With Lukas over top of him, making goddamn love to him._

_No, instead life chose to bring it to him forcefully, on a filthy, stick ridden, forest floor._

_He’s twists and turns when Mike starts thrusting, it’s the most painful, burning stretch he’s ever felt. His tears are hot and make little leaves cling to his skin. He tries to spit out any dirt that wiped against his lips. Sobbing loudly, he feels like a trapped, hurt animal. Nowhere to run to, nowhere to  go._

_He’d take Lukas’s shoving and hurtful words over this treatment any day. Ever._

_“Yeah that’s it” Jimmy grins, holding Philip’s wrists down in one hand, and resting his fingers in Philip’s strands with the other._

_Mike sucks a hickey into the side of his neck, thrusting harshly with jagged breathes. Philip can’t help it, he starts screaming glass shattering loud. Till Mike’s shoving his face roughly into the sticks and debris on the ground insisting him to “shut the fuck up.”_

_Robbie leaves briefly, just to return with the gag._

_“This’ll shut that fucking mouth” He remarks, shoving it in Philip’s mouth and knotting it tightly behind his head._

_He can physically feel Mike smirk against his shoulder, as he grossly whispers “see, you’re so good when you know your fucking place.”_

_Philip yells sound like whimpering around the gag, and Jimmy’s looking at him with a smirk, Philip looks away out of pure fury._

_He’s indescribably upset, used. So fucking used._

_“My turn next” Jimmy decides, and if Philip wasn’t held down he’d claw his fucking eyes out._

_Philip hiccups shaky sobs when Mike stills his hips, clearly he didn’t use a condom. Philip feels so vilely filthy. They could give him an std. Make him too ruined for Lukas to ever want him._

_That in turn just makes Philip cry harder, thinking about Lukas. He doesn’t give a shit how Lukas had treated him. He just wants him here, now, to tell him that everything going to be okay. Reassure him till the violation isn’t the only thing he feels._

_Jimmy slides on top him as they trade places, Philip closes his eyes. Picturing himself far away, in his mother’s arms, smelling the nasty Marlboros he hates so much, but right now it’d be a smell from heaven._


	3. Fogged

_Jimmy’s even rougher than Mike, pulling his hair and smacking his ass. Philip can hear his own pained noises, mixing with Jimmy nasty words._

_“Yeah- take it bitch” he moans, hands sliding down his spine, to his thighs. Jimmy grips them tightly, keeping them apart._

_Philip stops resisting, giving in to the numbness that’s slowly overtaking the pain. His eyes are still running, and he focuses on paying attention to the tear drops dripping onto the dry dirt beneath his face._

_Through his high they look like pretty little orbs, almost glowing on top of a brown leaf._

_He feels the telltale sign of Jimmy finishing, thrusting becoming more erratic like Mike’s did. Philip gasps as Jimmy’s hand closes around his throat, and starts crying again when Jimmy comes inside him. It feels so fucking gross. Just the combination of feeling it, and knowing exactly what Jimmy just did, is so horrific._

_“Man,” Jimmy says, “that was great.” Philip’s innards roll at his words, and huffs jaggedly through his nose. He doesn’t know if he’s just breathing too quickly because he’s overwhelmed, or if gags are just hard to inhale through._

_He tries to squirm away as Jimmy pulls out, pressing a nasty wet kiss to his cheek._

_“Yo Mike, wanna go finish off that tequila?” Jimmy quips, and Philip hears the flick of his lighter. Then the vague smell of his smoking cigarette._

_Mike hums, “ight.”_

_Philip closes his eyes briefly in relief of Mike releasing the grip he had on his ankles, but opens them when Mike’s footsteps approach him. Philip can see the moon, big and bright and unwavering. Above Mike’s head. It’s sparkling, so fucking pretty.  He wishes to be on it now, anywhere but here._

_Mike leans down, dry fingertips outreaching to touch Philip’s face. Philip keeps still, holds his breathe, too._

_“You know..” he trails off, taking Jimmy’s cigarette of him and puffing it. Handing it back, and refocusing on Philip’s face, “we weren’t lying about you being pretty.”_

_Philip blinks at him. What fucking game are they playing at?_

_Mike smiles, rubbing away a tear that leaks out of Philip’s eyes. Philip furrows his brows as Mike starts laughing, like staring at Philip looking completely desperate is funny._

_“You got a hella of a swing” he points towards his face, “this eye’s gonna be black as fuck tomorrow, and I’m still nice enough to compliment you, how’s that?”_

_Philip sobs. He doesn’t want to even give him the respect of making eye contact._

_Mike shushes him, almost teasingly “aw, come on, don’t cry. We’re just having a little fun.”_

_His grey toned eyes light up like he realized something, “and you know what? I guess we’re even cause I got your V-card” he chuckles, raising up into a standing position._

_Jimmy and Mike’s footsteps descend away from him, retreating back to the tent. Robbie’s sat beside him, fingers absentmindedly brushing Philip’s bare thigh. Philip watches him with wet, big eyes. Robbie’s roughly six four, built all stocky, he could easily overpower Philip alone._

_Fuck._

_Robbie grazes his finger across Philip’s cheeks, dipping between them, and pushing inside him._

_Philip makes a noise, high and broken._

_“Like that?” Robbie taunts with a smirk, smearing his semen covered finger across Philip’s hole. “Damn, J and mike really turned you into a whore.”_

_Philip shakes his head, tears building again. “M, not” he mumbles weakly behind the gag._

_“What’s that?” Robbie asks, eyes lighting up in interest that Philip’s giving him a response._

_Philip murmurs it again, this time Robbie pulls the gag from his lips._

_It comes out light a whisper, so weak. Till Robbie’s leaning in and asking “what’s that sweetheart?”_

_Philip spits in his face, and hurriedly pulls himself up, racing down a trail of thorns and limbs. He’s running in complete darkness, even the trees appear more grey than the blackness of the woods. Philip’s mind is fogged, and his feet seem to move to slow. He’s dizzy as fuck and still can taste the sharp taste of liquor in his throat._

_Robbie catches him, arms coming to wrap around his waist. Wrenching him back and knocking all the wind out of his lunges. “Where do you think you’re going?” Robbie hisses, clearly fuming._

_“No!” Philip starts screaming, kicking his legs as Robbie lifts him in the air, just to throw him down on the ground._

_Philip lands soundly as his body thuds hard, knocking the wind out of him. Robbie uses this to his advantage, and climbs on top of him, wrestling him till he’s lying on his back._

_“Yeah, like this-“ Robbie groans, like Philip fighting him is sexy. “Wanna see that pretty face when I fuck you. Want you to know who’s in control.“_

_Philip twists his face away from Robbie’s hot breathe, and pushes hard at his chest. “Get off” he begs, voice getting raw._

_Robbie holds him down with the press of his large hand around Philip’s throat, and unzips himself with his other. He kisses Philip sloppily, and hikes Philip’s thighs up around his waist. Philip claws at his back, digging deep till Robbie curses, and grips Philip’s wrists harshly. “Stop it bitch” he scolds, pressing his cock inside Philip’s sore hole. Philip squirms, no, please not again._

_Robbie slides inside easily, grunting heavily in his ear. Philip whines weakly “No,” his fingers twitching against the soil. Robbie snaps his hips fast and deep immediately. Philip feels the world and his body become blurry. Looking above is grainy and star ridden, the sky looks deep and blue. Like an ocean that he could swim away in. Get lost in the light of the strings of stars. Through the wetness of his eyes they flicker like lightbulbs._

_The feeling of getting fucked isn’t as surprising anymore, his body somewhat becoming used to the width of a cock. His high lets him allow the heat in his belly to build, his hips lolling uncoordinatedly._

_Robbie clearly can tell he’s giving into the thrusting of his cock, and strokes his hair, peppering sloppy heated kisses to Philip’s jaw. “That’s it, yeah- fucking slut.”_

_Philip comes pathetically, sobbing at the embarrassment of it. Robbie doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of it._

_“Good little fucktoy” he praises, making Philip grimace._

_“Stop- n-no” Philip whimpers, voice dry. Robbie fucks him painfully hard, hands rubbing and squeezing the curves of his body. He shakes as Robbie curls over him, digging his nails into Philip’s ass to keep him still as he comes inside._

_He hears somebody tripping, and some laughing. Mike and Jimmy returning. Philip twists his face to the side, watching them stumble drunkenly towards him._

_“Hope you didn’t want any of that tequila, we finished that baby off.” Jimmy giggles, holding his lighter._

_Robbie pulls out, patting Philip’s face as he does so._

_“No worries, I was having more fun than that” he chuckles darkly, eyes running over Philip’s naked, frail body._

_Mike crosses his legs, sitting beside Philip’s body. His eyes swollen, pinkish from Philip’s rapid elbowing. He curls his lips devilishly, Philip’s gut drops._

_“Please let me go- I’ll do anything” he whispers, pleading._

_Robbie pulls out a cigarette, from a wrinkled carton of Newport’s, Borrowing Jimmy’s lighter to heat it._

_Mike shushes him, and manhandles him till he’s lying on his belly._

_Philip’s so used to crying he doesn’t even pay attention to the tears running down his face. Why why why_

_The distinct click of a lighter is heard, Jimmy’s metallica lighter, Philip sees._

_“Got your switchblade on ya?” Mike asks with the lighter in his hand._

_Robbie digs around in his pocket, throwing it to him. Philip’s about to die, he’ll never see his mother’s beautiful smile again, or Lukas’s confused warm eyes._

_“No! No!” his vocal chords finally registering._

_“Shut up! Jeez get a muzzle on that bitch!” Jimmy hisses, ripping his sleeve for a new, make shift gag. He ties it around Philip’s mouth. He’s hyperventilating around it, face flushing red as he nears passing out._

_Mike pulls his hair roughly, wrenching his head up “relax bitch we’re not gonna kill ya.” He flicks the lighter again, heating the tip of the blade. “I’m just gonna leave you a little tramp stamp, let everyone know what a filthy, little whore you’re.”_

_He hisses in pain at the abrupt feeling of a hot knife digging shallowly into his skin, scratching a raw line down into the flesh of his hip. It burns from the scraping, and the temperature. Thank god for the heaviness of booze and thc flooding his system, or else this’d be even more torturous._

_It lasts about five minutes of the harsh scratching before Mike’s withdrawing his hand. He vaguely hears Robbie mention the time, “it’s late as shit dude” Robbie groans, standing up._

_Philip feels so fucking tired, worn out. He stands warily, on shaky, scared legs. Mike stands up, closing in on him. He’s feels vulnerable and weak, a preyed on animal being played with._

_Grabbing his hip, and face. Mike warns icily “better not tell anyone about this, ever. You hear me?”_

_Philip whimpers, nodding._

_Mike smiles, pleased with his response. “Good, cause if you do I’ll have to ruin your pretty face, and neither of us want that huh?”_

_Philip cries, nodding rapidly._

_“Good” he whispers smugly, pecking Philip’s unmoving lips._

_-_

_They pack up their things, tent and bottles, everything they’ve brought. Philip sniffles, sitting knees to his chest, right where they told him to stay. He wishes he could teleport, be curled up, and cuddled safely to his mom’s chest like they did when he was a child. He wants to be rocked and be soothed by Anne’s motherly, gentle hands. Till everything’s sunny again in the world._

_They must leave without telling him, because the trees been too quiet for far too long. He looks around warily, unsure if it’s safe to go. What if this is another trick?_

_He’s too weak to outrun them. But staying means more torture. He stands up as quietly as possible, cautiously flicking his eyes around. Looking for any movement, his movements are sludgy, uncoordinated with his still lack of soberness._

_He trails back, to where he was originally tackled. He finds his underwear there, bunched up beneath a branch. It’s uncomfortable to pull them on, the pressure of the waistband scratching his cut, and the cloth sliding over his sore ass._

_“Fuck” he hisses, crying._

_It’s cold, decently chilly now. Air feeling around, three or four am. But his jeans are nowhere in sight and all Philip wants to do is leave. Run if he could._

_-_

_He limps four miles to Lukas’s house._

_-_

_Day two of Philip’s stay at the ER is misery. Tons and tons of misery. He’s restless, sleepless and irritated. He can feels those fuckers on him, in him. Touching and clawing their way inside, till they strangle his soul._

_Get out get out_

_Philip cracks his tired, sad eyes when the door creeps open._

_Helen, she smiles weakly, but it’s fake and pained. “How are you feeling?”_

_Philip twitches his thumb, dry lips parting “numb, meds are really taking affect” he murmurs._

_She nods, sitting in a plastic chair, “I uh, talked with the detective. You need to give him more info Philip. it’s our only chance of catching these bastards.”_

_Philip swallows, “I can’t- I can’t remember much- I mean- they made me drink. They made me smoke-“_

_“Philip” she interjects, halting his stressed ramble. “Breathe, try to think about it, think hard.”_

_He’s thinking, straining his damn brain to remember. It’s mostly blurred memories, cold toned eyes, rough hands._

_She asks “you said there was three right?”_

_He nods rapidly, “yes.”_

_Helen sighs, “You said they gave their names but you don’t remember.”_

_Nodding again, she continues “they followed you from Rose Sinclairs house? Did they know you from the party?”_

_Philip shrugs “I don’t know” he whispers, eyes getting wet._

_He’s so frustrated. He wishes endlessly that he had all the answers._


	4. Sunny

Philip hates the hospital.

He hates the pale, bland walls. Matching the grey tiles on the floor. He hates the random visits from police officers, the investigator, who’s due to visit him in five.

He counts his fingers, then his toes. He’s bored out of his mind. Crying’s became useless, like Helen said, it won’t change anything. Just make him feel worse.

His mom’s doing better at rehab, and he’s veered Helen off from notifying her of the events. He needs to tell his mother himself, and be strong enough to do so. Philip doesn’t want Anne to crack, _relapse_ under pressure.

Lukas has been texting him, Philip’s was too in denial and heartbroken to respond the first couple days.

He tried to visit, but Philip declined. Philip didn’t want Lukas seeing him like that. He’d been to upset, knowing what they had taken from him, something he’d never be able to share with Lukas.

A plan dashed.

The knob twists, revealing a nurse followed by the detective. Philip sighs, twisting his fingers absentmindedly.

Propping his side against the frame of the hospital bed, Mr. Stewart, from Helen’s office reads off his notebook.

“Hello Philip,” Todd greats, glancing up briefly.

Philip sucks in his lip nervously, “anything new with the- um case?”

The nurse checks his vitals, marking them down on an electronic notepad.

He sighs, “Yes Philip, the swabbing of DNA didn’t match anyone in the criminal system, they’re digging deeper but as far as we know the men who assaulted you haven’t been arrested before.”

Philip’s heart drops. His eyes get wet, “what does that mean? You won’t find them?” he asks, heart crushing.

The nurse descends, and Mr. Stewart places his hand on top of his soothingly. “We’ll find them. I just really need details Philip” he says calmly, but Philip can see the frustration etched in his eyebrows.

Then Philip feels something. Remembers it, some of their words.

“They…” he begins, voice unsteady. Todd hums, encouraging him to continue. “They know that-  that Rose is a freshmen.”

Mr. Stewart blinks, furrowing his brows. But he scribbles it down in his notebook anyway, “so when you say that you mean?” he presses without looking up.

They go to his school. They probably saw him before. What if they planned it?

“They go to Red Hook, with me.”

His eyes light up, intrigued with the progress, “you’ve seen them at school before?”

“No” Philip declines, biting his lip in thought.

“Anything else?” Todd asks. His wrinkled eyes lit up with hope. Philip doesn’t mind him. He’s nice and doesn’t treat him like he’s below him for being a victim like the staff at the hospital do. But Philip can’t help him further, memory not budging.

“No, sorry” he says in a tone of disappointment.

Mr. Stewart gives him a weak smile, and strokes the top of his hand in a fatherly way “Don’t stress yourself out about it. The sheriffs and I down at the department are searching up and down for these criminals.”

He pulls on his side bag, adding “and you know Helen, she’ll work past midnight scoping out those losers.”

Philip cracks a weak, but genuine smile at that. His second smile in the three days he has been here, he notes. He’s right though, Helen’s stress level has been visibly through the roof. And the bags that are developing under hers eyes are telling.

Gabe is trying as best as he can to not show his shock and heartbreak. But it’s written clearly in the wetness of his eyes, as he holds Philip’s hand during his recent, three visits.

Philip feels better, for sure. It’s an improvement that the soreness in his muscles has faded, and the stitches just about healing.

Todd leaves with a kind hearted “good bye.” Philip curls onto his side as the door shuts, and reaches for his charged phone.

Unlocking it, he clicks to text Lukas.

_“Needed time, come visit?”_

He shoots it with a tap of his finger. Lukas’s responding bubble pops up immediately.

 _“I can’t stop thinking about you.”_ Lukas replies, but Philip knows all too well what it really means.

 _I can’t stop thinking about what happened._ Philip can’t blame him. He can’t either, even if all the details weren’t etched completely into his brain.

Philip’s eyes tear up as replies

_“Miss you lots, come soon.”_

Lukas sends in return, _“I will, give me ten.”_

-

Philip naps the short minutes it takes Lukas to rush to the hospital, and cracks a tired smile when Lukas opens the door. Swinging it hurriedly, Lukas looks handsome even with his disheveled, wind strewn hair. He combs it subconsciously, smiling softly and coming over to cup Philip’s cheek.

“Hey” he whispers, soft and sweet.

Philip’s eyes glisten, Lukas should’ve ever have had to see him like this. He wishes he could throw it all away.

“Hey” Philip says, just as gentle.

Lukas strokes Philip’s face, and then runs his fingers through his hair. He combs the baby brown hair off his forehead.

“I wish I had appreciated you, before.” Lukas exhales, voice nervous, “and I’ve been thinking, why- somebody could do that.” His voice cracks in a pained way.

Philip guts twists. Choosing to ignore the raw topic he pats the bed, invitingly. A silent ‘come cuddle with me.’

Lukas raises his brow, and smiles softly. “Hold on, I’ve got something for you,” he digs into his book bag, pulling out a thick bouquet of roses, a vibrant red dozen.

Philip giggles, and it’s a surprising, happy sound to his own ears. _Progress._

“You’re such a dork” Philip grins, taking them and inhaling their soft floral scent.

Lukas chuckles and Philip finds the rings under his eyes charming. It’s comforting to know Lukas has been worried about him.  It makes Philip heart flutter instead of ache.

Pulling off his jean jacket, and briefing a quick glance out the hospital door’s window. Lukas crawls carefully into the bed, plastering his warm, solid body against Philip’s.

Maybe it’s instinctual, but it reminds him of his mother. The comfort immediate from Lukas just like Anne. Philip _knows_ he loves him. Like a deep engravement in stone.

Lukas wraps his arms around him, and it sends warm electricity across Philip’s cool skin. He crawls closer, into the warmth of Lukas’s neck and chest. Their legs tangle together, their bodies are so close that there’s no space between them.

Lukas breaks the silence, “I’ve been thinking about you every day. Every minute, I-“ he breaks off shaking his head. He presses a kiss to Philip’s cheek, mumbling brokenly “It kills me to see you like this.”

Philip stares, eyes wide. They smash their lips together hard, it’s a raw, desperate slide of the lips. Till Philip’s crying into it with his emotion spilling.

“I love you- love you” Philip whispers heatedly, reattaching their lips in a heartfelt, softening kiss.

Lukas splays his hand through tufts of Philip’s hair, grazing the curls lovingly. Philip sighs into it. He feels his tears beginning to dry. Lukas thumbs a lone one off his cheek. Pressing his lips softly to the side of Philip’s forehead, he admits quietly “I know you’re hurting baby, and I know I can’t really do anything about it.”

Philip strokes his arms, kissing Lukas’s lips. “You’ve made me feel so much better just by being here.”

Lukas’s eyes are warm, and pretty. So oceanic blue, Philip finds paradise in them.

Lukas eyes light up and he curls his lips, “I broke up with Rose.”

Philip closes his eyes, a playful smile gracing his features. “You called me your boyfriend.”

He doesn’t need to look at Lukas to know his eyes are wide. He hears him sputter, “When?”

Philip smile fades, but still keeps it light. “The 911 call, Helen heard the recording and told me.”

Lukas nods against his skin, humming softly. ‘Want me to close the blinds so you can sleep?”

It’s bright, feels summer warm from the heat of the sunset through the window. Luckily enough they’ve gotten a warm autumn. Philip likes the heat, being away from the cool northern air is refreshing.

Philip kisses him again, and nestles into his embrace “it’s fine, dusk is pretty.”

Maybe the world’s a little sunnier today, Philip decides.


	5. Testing The Waters

The blare of his alarm clock startles him awake. He feels jittery, weird. His skins sweaty, glowing from the moisture in the early morning sun. Philip flicks his eyes downwards, to his body. It doesn’t look different or anything, but he’s itchy. The dirty itchy.

The kind of itch that makes him remember, he thinks about them. Those guys. Late night, during his dreams, waking up. It’s a repetitive, but blurred process.

He wishes the investigators and police could just find those perverts, lock them away so Philip will never have to worry about it again.

He hears a knock, firm and steady. Helen.

“Come in” he calls, turning onto his side and burying himself in the warmth of his sheets.

She opens it, popping her head in. She looks tired, hair messily pulled into a ponytail and puffy eyes that are clear proof she didn’t sleep last night.

“Hey Philip, sweetie” she starts, handing him a mug of coffee.

He takes it gingerly and sips it slowly. It’s still scolding hot.

“This is good, thanks,” he smiles tiredly, rubbing his lids.

She sits on the edge of his bed, near his feet. “Thought you might need it, you were getting used to that hospital treatment” she jokes, and for Helen it’s surprisingly soft. He likes her like this. Relaxed, gently spoken. She reminds him of her mother trying to uplift him. It makes him feel at home.

He smiles, “I don’t think I could ever get used to hospitals.”

Helen nods. A soft curl of her lips at the information. “Well perk up, school’s in twenty.”

-

Philip feels like a he weighs a ton. Like a giant, huge dot, He feels everyone’s eyes on him. Students, teachers, even the goddamn principal briefs a quick, but sympathetic look his way. He’s a walking topic.

He bows his head as he sits down in his chair in Math. There are people looking, whispering, and some even laughing. Philip knows not everyone is talking about him, but it for sure feels like they’re.

Keeping his head ducked, he pulls out his cell, hiding it in his lap and clicking on Lukas’s name.

 _People suck, miss you._ He sends.

 _What are you doing?_ He decides to add. His heart feels oddly warm. All fluttery and soft feeling, excitement just like getting your first crush. All from thinking about Lukas and how his day’s going. Philip’s so fucking whipped.

His heart skips a beat the same time his phone beeps.

 _In gym, thinkin about ur lips. And screw those people. L_ ukas responds. Philip blushes, _charming_.

Philip fucking loves him, so much it’s almost unbearable. He feels overemotional as he types his text. Even in the words it’ll never express just how much he means them.

 _I love you <3\. _Philip wipes his eyes, grinning cheekily at his phone.

-

The cafeteria lady plops the remainder of his meal into his tray, its spongy damp lettuce, all mushy and wet. He curls his nose, walking over to his lunch seat.

His eyes light up as they fall on the shape of Lukas’s shoulders and the familiarity of his plaid shirt. Lukas doesn’t even have the same lunch schedule as him, ever.

Philip sits beside him. Elbowing him enthusiastically “you didn’t say you were going to have lunch with me?”

Lukas grins. All big like Philip’s reaction is priceless. “What can I say? I’m full of surprises.”

Philip smiles at Lukas’s joke and rips open the plastic wrapper on his white fork. Lukas presses into his side, not enough that’s noticeable enough to get attention. They aren’t really out to the school, but they wouldn’t deny their relationship if someone asked, either.

Lukas twiddles his thumbs, eyes glazed like he’s thinking about something.

“Huh?” Philip asks, eyes flicking up and down Lukas’s stature, uselessly attempting to read him.

Lukas shakes his head, “it’s nothing I just… nevermind.” He shrugs off, eyebrows furrowing deeper.

Philip nudges Lukas, “tell me” he pushes.

Running his fingers nervously through his hair, Lukas admits, lowly “I.. I saw some writing in the boy’s bathroom.”

“And?” Philip asks, belly twisting.

Lukas swallows, gulping soundly. He looks like a nervous wreck, and Philip is warily terrified.

“It just says a lot of bad things about you” Lukas says, voice sounding edgy.

That doesn’t really concern him that much. He has always been bullied here.

“Oh.” He says, deadpanning.

Lukas seems not impressed with his noncaring reaction, “Philip, it was carved.”

Oh. Ice feels like it overtakes any heat left in his veins, pulsing coldly.

Tears spring a leak in his eyes, “so like- like-“

Lukas nods, nose flaring.

Philip has to look away because Lukas just looks so mean right now, like he’d punch anything that comes near them.

His rapists are very well likely to be at his school, it makes every glance from everybody seem more violating, more suspicious. Philip kind of wants to curl up in a ball and wither away.

He dares a glance over his shoulder when he hears obnoxious, loud chuckling. It’s a group of the lacrosse players, some still wearing their jersey’s too.

“I bet he was like- help me! Help me!” one of them says loudly in a mocking voice.

Philip wants to die. Lukas’s fingers tense evidently against his shirt.

Another one replies, “nah man, that kids a fag. He totally wanted it.”

Philip doesn’t blink before Lukas is jolting out of the seat. It takes roughly three seconds before Lukas’s fist is smashing against one of their faces. Shit, Philip thinks.

Philip rushes out of his chair, but Lukas’s fist is swinging repeatedly, making a nasty sound as it violently connects with the guy’s eyebrow bone.

“Lukas!” Philip gasps, tugging uselessly at the back of his shirt.

 A crowd of shitty, violence loving teens gather. Popping out their stupid cellphones to tape instead of intervene. Philip pulls harder, “Lukas stop!” he urges.

Lukas lets go at the desperateness in Philip’s voice, and lets Philip wrench him up by the hand. “Let’s go,” Philip says urgently, dragging him away and pushing through the mass of the crowd.

They shove the exit doors open, hurrying out. Philip stops, turning around and pressing Lukas into the cement wall of the school.

Philip cups his face, scanning the area with his eyes for damage. Lukas doesn’t look too ruffed up, a slight scrape above his brow and a skinny split in his bottom lip.

“I’m fine,” Lukas chuckles, but it’s dry.

“No you’re not” Philip says, shaking his head.

Lukas places his hands gently over Philip’s, “I promise you, I am.”

He adds, “Besides, the person I’m really worried about is you.”

Sputtering dumbly, “what? Why?” Philip asks.

Lukas grabs him, holding his sides gently. “I just, I can’t ever let anything bad happen to you. Ever again.”

Philip can see the agitation written all over his face. The sharp, tenseness of his jaw, and the line etched between his brows.

“You won’t” Philip whispers, voice cracking. He trusts Lukas so much, no doubt. It’s just things have just been so different with him since it happened. Like Philip’s just a victim now, someone to take care of, watch out for. Not the regular Philip Lukas himself used to walk all over.

 “You don’t need to worry about me” Philip adds quietly. He might like the protection but he feels like it’s a burden to Lukas.

Lukas is quick to argue that, “Yes I do, Philip, those _guys_ , they’re still fucking out there.”

Philip blinks, he feels sick. Does Lukas not know that Philip’s overly aware of this? Does he not know that every night in the hospital Philip has almost broke down in anxiety, just thinking that they could come after him. Fuck.

 Philip hugs him, burying his tears into his shirt. “I wish it never happened, Lukas. You don’t know how much I wish- just everything would all go away.”

Lukas holds him tight, “I know baby, I know.”

-

Lukas absentmindedly reads the writing off the whiteboard for a third time, not really registering it though. He could care less about French class, and the French language itself.

“Pshh, Waldenbeck” he hears from behind him, and feels a balled up straw wrapper hit his shoulder.

Glancing back briefly, “what?” he asks. It’s AJ and Mikey. They’re two kids off the football team who’re casually friends with him. They’d be more up his ass if he had the same love for football and parties like them, but thankfully, he doesn’t.

“Marco from bio puked all over the east stairs today,” they chuckle, like someone getting sick’s funny. “But anyways, can you fill in for him? Coach needs enough players at practice.”

Lukas checks his phone, no texts from Philip. “I guess so” he shrugs. He’s a poor sport and being shittier than the other players at football is going to grate the hell out of nerves. Whatever.

-

In a twist of events it turns out Lukas isn’t all that bad with the ball, sure he fumbles twice, but he scores three times. Just enough to keep his ego bold.

“That was a good practice!” he whistles, egotistically proud. Plopping down onto the benches.

Aj, Mikey and their other friend, Robert who Lukas doesn’t know too well, joins him.

Mikey fans himself. His shirt’s nastily wet, clinging to his skin all sweaty. “Fuck, it’s hot as hell out here.”

Robert snorts, “Maybe you shouldn’t run so fast speed racer.”

Mike smirks, “fuck off.”

Lukas rolls his eyes at their bickering, swigging three gulps of his water bottle. “Shit” he sighs, that was much needed.

Aj reaches for it, Lukas raises his brow. “Don’t worry, I’ll waterfall it” he chides, taking it from Lukas’s hands.

“Keep it” Lukas decides, it was nearly empty anyways.

He pulls out his phone, sending off a quick text to Philip.

_“Wyd?”_

Aj swallows the water thirstily. He finishes off the bottle, crinkling it and tossing it down into the grass. “Did yall see that Philip kid showed up for school? Faggot looks like he’s still limping.” He laughs, and they join. But Lukas’s skin crawls.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hisses, on the edge of his seat.

Mikey laughs disbelievingly, “what you’re defending that bitch?”

Lukas squares his shoulders, standing up. “Defending who? Philip? He got fucking raped. How the fuck could that be funny?”

Aj snorts and Robert steals a cigarette from him. “Chill bro, Aj’s just joking” Rob quips.

“Whatever” Lukas growls, stalking away.

“Dude, can you pick up my lighter?” Aj asks him sarcastically, thinking Lukas is too pissed to do so.

He leans over, grabbing it from the grass. It’s blue, with a Metallica slogan. He throws it absentmindedly over his shoulder, and hears AJ mutter “dick” as it hits him.

Fuck them, Lukas thinks. He checks his phone, one message.

_“Come over later?”_

He smiles softly, cheeks flushing with excitement.


	6. Pink Roses

Before heading to Philip’s Lukas picks a rose from his Dad’s little garden beside the porch. Making sure it’s the prettiest, most flawless flower. He even tests the smell, nice and soft. Rosy sweet.

-

Philip twists and turns in his bed impatiently. It’s nearing nine o clock, and he had texted Lukas to come over right about now. Philip’s never one to be patient, he impatiently moves in his bed. Dangling his legs in the air, off the side of the bed. Uselessly checking the boring apps on his phone.

He rolls off his bed, feeling weirdly unsettled. Philip looks over to his bedroom mirror, it’s a full body one. Long and slender. Entering where he can see his reflection, he twists and turns, assessing his body.

His shirt is loose, and his fingers are itching to get under it. Feels like something in him is crawling to see, to make sure.

Pulling his t shirt easily over his head, he discards it without care onto the floor. He turns around, slowly letting his eyes avert to the pale skin of his back.

He exhales a long breathe, his skin looks smooth. The blemish almost completely gone. The cut is faint and healed. No scarring thankfully. The lack of proof on his body allows him to escape the reality of what happened, just for a moment. He feels a little freer.

Philip jolts unexpectedly when he hears a quick knock. He doesn’t bother redressing and jogs to the door excitedly.

He swings it open, spotting Lukas’s windblown hair. And his handsome, boyish face. “Baby!” Philip says with a beaming smile, even jumps up like an over energetic child. Wrapping his legs clumsily around Lukas’s waist and folding his arms behind his neck.

Lukas stumbles slightly, laughing as he attempts to get a grip on the underside of Philip’s thighs.

“Hey sweetie” Lukas whispers, bumping their foreheads together.

The little pet name makes Philip’s belly warm. He kisses Lukas sweetly, running his hands through the long strands of his hair.

Lukas kisses back just as eagerly, moving them over to Philip’s bed to lay them down on it. Philip lets his legs go lax, letting Lukas easily slide between them. Hips flush with the back of his thighs. Philip breaks the kiss for air, and Lukas teases breathlessly “you missed me huh?”

Philip pulls him back in, breaking apart just to whisper back a breathy “maybe.” He doesn’t need to specify, the look on Lukas's face clearly shows he knows what Philip means.

Lukas mashes their lips together in a hungry way, like he cannot get enough. It feels good, so amazing kissing Lukas like this. Wet and dirty, just so right, so them.

He moans into the slide of their lips, feeling Lukas press himself even closer on in his warmth. Lukas hitches up one of his thighs further, palming it in a way that makes electric thrum under his skin.

“Lukas” he gasps, all breathy against his lips. Lukas looks so handsome, eyes violet in the purple hue of his room, from the light of his tv.

“Philip,” Lukas replies, eyes clouding over as he touches Philip’s face, softly caressing his cheek. The roughness of his palm’s calluses feels oddly arousing as Lukas touches him.

“Fucking beautiful, so fucking beautiful” Lukas whispers. His eyes flicking up and down his face, passionately pressing their lips together in between words. Philip feels heat reach his cheeks. It means so much when Lukas compliments him. It makes Philip feel all giddy and happy, just because Lukas is happy with him.

Lukas goes back to kissing him, a sweet slide of their tongues. Lukas has roaming hands, but they’re careful all at the same time. Just running them up and down Philip’s sides. The dip of his waist. Then playing with the nubs of his nipples.

Philip whines “touch me” even though Lukas is already doing so. Shockwaves coursing through him with a longing need.

Lukas sucks onto the fleshy part of his neck, hard enough to leave a trail of bruises there. The thought of Lukas marking him makes his toes curl.

“Can I?” Lukas asks, hand brushing just above the hem of Philip’s sweat pants.

He doesn’t even have to think about it. “Yeah, yeah.”

Lukas rubs him teasingly through them, and Philip’s twitching his hips up uselessly. Lukas slides down, mouthing wetly along the concave of Philip’s torso. He sucks Philip’s nipple into his mouth, making him yelp surprisingly as he slides his hand inside Philip’s sweats with the other. Gripping his base, before sliding up and down with a steady, tight grip.

“MMm-nugh Lukas” he moans unintelligibly, clinging his fingers into Lukas’s hair. Lukas sucks his nipple harder, making Philip squirm with sensitivity.

Lukas crawls up a little, unlatching his mouth from the flesh that’s even more cherry tinted.

Philip strokes the nape of Lukas’s neck as he latches his mouth onto the hollow of Philip’s throat. It feels too much, everything. The intimate touches from Lukas’s warm hands. The hot, biting slide of his mouth.

Philip’s tummy feels increasingly hot, heat building up as Lukas’s hand speeds up. “Lukas, Lukas, Lukas” Philip whines, like a chant.

“Gonna cum” he gasps, thighs shaking as he claws at Lukas’s wide shoulders.

Lukas kisses him, his lips. Before pulling away slightly to whisper an encouraging “come on, do it baby.”

Philip twists, back arching like a string. His entire body feels like it’s vibrating as he cums, vision going blank, white hot, like staring into the sun.

As his euphoria from his orgasm rides out, he sees Lukas licking his hand, eyes watching Philip hotly. It makes Philip remember that Lukas didn’t get off yet, and Philip’s never one to not please, that is.

He slides his palm down, eagerly cupping the bold outline of Lukas. Lukas surprises him by tilting away. “Baby,” he starts, cupping Philip’s chin. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to do something for you.” He whispers, pecking Philip sweetly. It feels a _lot_ like love. Giving without expecting in return. Something Philip has always been willing to do for Lukas. And it feels so overwhelming that Lukas is willing to do the same.

Philip smiles, running his finger across the sharp line of Lukas’s jaw. “You’re so beautiful.”

Lukas returns the smile, warm and real. Makes his cool toned eyes shine.

“You stole the words out of my mouth” Lukas chuckles, gently touching Philip’s lashes when he closes his eyes.

Philip opens his eyes briefly, and Lukas whispers “so beautiful.”

Philip snorts, but he’s smiling, “That’d be cute if some kid in bio didn’t say my eyes looked like poop today.”

Lukas pecks him, and grins “so fuck that kid in bio.”

Philip hums into the kiss, wrapping his whole body around Lukas’s. They make out lazily for another ten, fifteen minutes till Philip’s eyes are lolling closed.

“M’ night baby” He whispers, nudging his face to rest in the crook of Lukas’s neck.

Lukas kisses his throat, softly saying “goodnight” and pressing another kiss in the same spot, before resting his head down on Philip’s pillow.

-

_He feels heaviness. It’s on top of him. He opens his eyes, seeing almost nothing. Pitch blackness surrounds his vision. His heart lurches in his throat when a hand presses down on the back of his head. Forcing him down into the nothingness, but he’s not moving. Still as stone._

_Then he hears it, distinctly, a male’s voice. Deep and scary._

_“You ever been fucked before?”_

_He can feel the hands, the hands of the guy asking. Crawling all over him. Touching him._

_Philip glances over his shoulder, terrified. But even in his dream state he wants to know. Needs to._

_He sees them, for the first time since that night._

_Their faces are blurred, just slightly. But their hair colors, body shapes and heights are memorized._

_He squirms, even though he’s more than aware it’s useless._

_“Please” he begs._

_They don’t stop. He feels them, one by one. Crawl on top of him. The burn still there, but alleviated, it’s everywhere. In the sting of the tears in his eyes, and throughout his lower body._

_White noise. Screaming. His vocal chords feel raw._

_Blinking his eyes open, he sees them, again. A guy with brown hair, the stocky one, taking the blond guy’s lighter. Lighting up his cigarette, the lighter gets passed off to the guy with black hair. The guy Philip can see the most, all stone cold grey eyes. Hair completely jet black. He’s the shortest of those guys, about 6’1._

_The black hair guy flicks the lighter, Metallica, baby blue._

_A knife appears. A silver switchblade._

_Philip can feel the digging, the burn._

_He screams till his vision enters complete blackness._

_-_

He wakes up, heart thumping. On the edge of letting out a scream before he realized where he is. Safely tucked beneath Lukas’s firm body. But it’s too much, overwhelming too similar.

“Lukas” he pants, nudging at his body.

Lukas blinks awake, eyes all puffy and confused. “What’s wrong?”

Philip squirms, “get off me, please” and he feels like he’s begging.

Lukas eyes widen, and rolls off him quickly. “Baby, did I do something-“

Shaking his head rapidly, “n-no, I uh.. I saw them.”

“What?” Lukas says. Voice alerted.

“They were on top of me Lukas-“ he cries, hugging his knees to his chest, “they were on me and I couldn’t do anything. The guy, who rap- raped me first, he had black hair, Lukas.”

Lukas jaw goes tense, and so do his eyebrows.

“The other guys- I saw them too, I saw them all.”

“Do you want me to get Helen?” He asks, hesitantly touching Philip’s shoulder.

Philip grabs him, clinging to him. “Yes,” he whispers, wrapping his legs tightly around Lukas’s middle he adds “can you please carry me?”

Lukas kisses the side of his head, lifting him easily by getting his arms under his legs. “Of course” he whispers back, carrying him out into the hall and knocking on Helen and Gabe’s bedroom door.

He hears footsteps immediately, Helen opens it. Hair disheveled and an alert expression on her face, “is there something wrong?” she asks, worriedly touching Lukas’s arm and Philip’s cheek.

Philip sniffles, and nods for Lukas to set him down. “I saw them, in my dreams. I kinda know what they look like.”

Helen’s eyebrows rise dramatically. “You saw their faces?”

He shakes his head, “no, but I know that the guy who- who cut me, had black hair. And the other guys had brown and blond hair.”

She nods, but he still feels like the information isn’t good enough. “I’ll notify the investigator” Helen says, rubbing his arm.

-

When they return to bed, Lukas lays on his side, facing Philip. Philip scooches over, softly grazing his fingers down the curve of Lukas’s side.

“I love you” Philip whispers, eyes wettening as he stares at the beauty that’s Lukas.

Lukas strokes his cheek, “I love you too,” and Philip’s heart swells up inside his chest. It’s the first time Lukas has ever said those words. They mean the _whole_ world to Philip.

Lukas pulls away briefly, and Philip blinks confusedly, “where are you going?” he says, nearly whining with the loss of contact.

“Shh” Lukas hums softly, reaching down and pulling something out of his bag.

“Forgot to give you this,” he whispers, handing Philip a bright pink rose.

Philip flushes, a small smile spreading across his cheeks. Lukas is so sweet it makes his insides all nervous, and exactly like they say, butterflies. He sniffs it, rubbing the soft petal against his nose.

“It’s so pretty” he says, pressing a firm kiss against Lukas’s soft, pink lips.

Lukas pulls Philip flush against his chest. He hums against Philip’s forehead “just like you.”

-

_Philip dreams of space after that, long, endless space. Trillions and trillions of stars, scattering in his vision like bright orbs._

He wakes up feeling more comfortable then he has before it happened. Flicking his tired eyes to Lukas’s face, he sees him sleeping peacefully. Lashes shadowing across his tall cheekbones, and lip relaxed, slightly open. Philip kisses his collarbone, returning to the warmth of Lukas’s arms and snuggling deeper into him.

**Author's Note:**

> This will be finished! Just working on 'Climb Inside' right now, when that's finished this book shall be up and running again! <3


End file.
